BELLAMYBUDIMAN

Signing up to the UPH Alumni mailing list has been a hilariously comedic experience for me. Today, I stumbled upon a story that is supposed to be an alert from NASA because several planets in our solar system is lining up, and it will cost gravitational alterations that would cost humans many lives (I’m serious, the post stated that and I’m not making shit up).

Ready for the NASA alert that started it all? Here it is:

Menurut NASA tepat pukul 5:00 pm waktu Greenwich atau pukul 12:00 tengah malam ini (tgl. 6 Jul 2010) planet Merkurius, Bumi, Venus, Uranus dan Neptunus berada tepat satu garis dgn Matahari. Hal ini terjadi 20.000 ribu tahun sekali. Akibatnya gaya gravitasi menjadi bertambah 6 kali lipat, pd saat itu akan terjadi fenomena luar biasa : 1. Laut akan mengalami pasang naik, kemungkinan laut akan meluap, 2. Berat benda akan meningkat 6 kali lipat (jika kita menimbang benda 1 kg akan jd 6 kg, jika berat badan 50 kg akan jadi 300 kg), 3. Semua benda akan tertarik ke permukaan bumi. Jika kita melempar sesuatu, maka benda tdk akan bergerak ke atas namun kebawah. Burung, kelelawar, dll yg terbang dlm jarak 1 km dr permukaan bumi akan lsg tertarik dan jatuh. NASA sdh memperingatkan semua persh penerbangan agar tdk take off pd jam tsb diatas. Fenomena ini akan berlangsung sekitar 10 menit. Silahkan broadcast berita rahasia ini, alami fenomena 20.000 thn sekali dan cegah musibah jgn sampai terjadi.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Last night, I stumbled upon Telkomsel’s website because I want to sign up for their electronic billing statement service (A service which signup link has yet to be found until now). I was already on my bed, and decided, hey, why don’t I just open the website from my iPhone and sign up from there. After all, Telkomsel is the exclusive provider for the iPhone, so they had to have a good mobile version of their website, right? Right? Right?

No.

Because here’s what showed up in my mobile Safari:

It is probably, by far, the ugliest mobile website I’ve ever seen from a mobile provider. It is badly designed (look at those jagged rounded corners of the icons), badly developed, and it doesn’t even give you any information other than referring you to mostly outdated apps in the App Store. Not to mention that most of those apps are not good looking either.

It also doesn’t give you the option to switch to the regular website, it needs you to explicitly enter “http://www.telkomsel.com/web/home” in the browser (luckily I bookmarked that one) so that it will give you this:

By the way, that screenshot was taken on a Mac, so in the iPhone, the main feature slideshow as you see there is not available, because it’s using Flash (while it’s easier to do that with jQuery, but hey, they’re technologically advanced people, right?).

But this is not the website’s feature that I want to talk about. If you look at the lower right section of the website, you’ll see a customer login. Everything there seems to be right (despite the ugliness of the website’s design). But when you look closer, you’ll get this:

People, if you ever want to forget your Telkomsel login password for any reason at all, then worry no more! Telkomsel has that feature made for you.

PS: If someone can point me on how to signup for the electronic billing statement, it would be much appreciated. It seems that talking with their jackass customer service won’t do much good.

I’ve received at least two phone calls a week from credit card telemarketers, and from what I observed, here’s a new trend of how they do things:

Telemarketer: Selamat siang, dengan Bapak Bellamy BeneDITO Budiman? (Yes, they never got my name right)
Me: Ini dari mana ya?
Telemarketer: Saya XXX dari bank XXX.
Me: Ada apa ya?
Telemarketer: Apa betul Bapak mengajukan aplikasi kartu kredit ke kami?
Me: Ngga tuh.
Telemarketer: Tapi data-data Bapak sudah lengkap, apa mau saya bantu proses?
Me: Ngga.
Telemarketer: Sayang nih, Pak, datanya sudah lengkap.
Me: Fuck you and everyone who works there. NGGA! *hangs up*

And, yes, that’s just about it, around twice a week.

Me: “Mbak, gimana cara ngitung tarif untuk ngirim box?”
CS: “Dihitung panjang kali lebar kali tinggi, lalu nanti dipakai yang lebih besar”
Me: “Satuan hitungnya apa? Ada pembaginya ngga?”
CS: “Dihitung aja pak panjang kali lebar kali tinggi, nanti kalau lebih besar dari berat, pakai yang itu”
Me: “Barang yang mau saya kirim ukurannya 29 x 24 x 7 cm, berarti kan volumenya 4872 cm³, dan beratnya 1 kg. Berarti perbandingannya jauh banget dong tarifnya?”
CS: “Iya dihitung aja pak panjang kali lebar kali tinggi.”

At this point, I am beginning to get annoyed.

Me: “Ini ada pembaginya ngga sih? Yang dibagi 4000 atau berapa itu volumenya?”
CS: “Iya pak ada, dibagi 6000.”
Me: “YA ITU DIA YANG DARI TADI SAYA TANYA, MBAK!!!!”

Idiot.

Rules dictate that in a toll road, you’re not allowed to carry passengers on a vehicle with an open bed.

OH REALLY?

And it’s so ironic that this is a toll road maintenance car. I suppose when you own something, you’re free to do anything, even at the risk of public safety. Good job, guys, good job!