I somehow had the urge to Google this up earlier to see if this is in any way, scientifically explainable. Then I came across this article. I was relieved that I’m not the only one.

The condition is called a photic sneeze reflex, which is also the explanation why some people sneeze when looking into the sun (I do, too, except that it is not every time). There is no known cure to this, and it is apparently genetic in nature, not that it’s life-threatening. Then I also realized that this could also be the explanation behind why I sneeze after taking a shower, something that my Dad seemed to exhibit as well. So yeah, it is genetic.

Finally there’s something logical behind the mystery I tried to solve for years! Now I can proudly say that this is scientifically acclaimed! The same situation appeared back then when Arleen and I were debating that contagious yawns are not scientifically explainable. Unfortunately, I lost the debate.

Today, my friend Taja and I met the same situation in Ford Jaksel with our Fiestas. The story goes like this, Taja’s Fiesta cannot connect to the iPhone and have songs playing in the car without connecting it with this cable:

It has to be connected to the car via USB and the AUX port at the same time, while mine works perfectly with a normal iPod USB cable. Coincidentally, I was there to claim a broken windshield seal rubber, and he was there to make them fix this annoying USB cable problem. On his first attempt, the tech said that every single Fiesta is like that, and people need to purchase this cable from them for 500k. Although it’s a fact that many of the first Fiestas in the country are experiencing this problem, this is just simply bull crap.

We then went comparing our cars side by side, and proved that the normal iPod USB cable connection worked flawlessly in my car. A truly on-your-face moment for the tech, and Mr. Schmuck seems to feel that he’s not the smartest guy anymore, beaten by a couple of customers, and proving that his “cable solution” is in fact, a dumb solution. He then went to ask me on what software did I install in my car. Software? It’s been like that since day one, and it is funny since Taja’s Fiesta is newer than mine, there’s no reason why it has an older firmware. However, even after “diagnosing” my car for “special settings”, the tech can’t seem to answer this.

After a few more minutes without answers from the tech, I decided to leave and told Taja to fix the car himself. I then told the tech to go to this site, download the firmware update, and then he can probably help other customers in the future. Basically a polite version of “You’re an idiot, you should know this. You’re the goddamned tech.” The Ford Mobile Connectivity website has been circulating around in various local and foreign forums and it fixes exactly that problem. The tech even tried applying the settings file he copied from my car to Taja’s. As predicted, it wasn’t really a spectacular result.

The fix is actually easy, and Taja can do this by himself for probably less than an hour (which he did at home and succeeded), but that is not the point. Authorized technicians should know better about the cars they sell, no? This proves that service providers in this country has very little knowledge in the products they sell. This is stupid. Imagine the cost that uninformed customers have to pay just to fix a minuscule problem like this, 500k for a stupid cable that doesn’t fix the actual problem? We can now conclude that if you want to have something fixed, then try fixing it yourself. It actually works better most of the time.

When I returned, there was this huge pool of gasoline underneath my car. The supervisor in charge told me that the nozzle sensor didn’t register itself, and the fuel leaked out. I suspected that there was around 3 liters of fuel down there.

I then gave the guy my credit card to pay for the fuel, and the supervisor said that everything was free of charge. It was a pure incident, and they don’t know how much fuel exactly went in to the tank, and how much was wasted. So even when I insisted, the supervisor insisted back that it was free fuel day for me today.

I must say that this is the first time this thing ever happened to me, and I really do admire the supervisor’s swift decision making when handling incidents like this. Incidentally or not, should this happened in Pertamina, I’m pretty sure that they would ask me to pay for every bit of fuel that’s on the floor.

Good job, Shell. Nice to see a company here with good service.

Yes, as we all know, we’re pretty much familiar with the text message above. Appearing randomly and annoyingly at times that made us want to smash our phones with rage (although it’s not its fault). Today, I received an SMS from Mbak Nisa, an installment loan salesperson. I usually just curse the goddamned salesperson right away, but I decided to do something different today. I was in a good mood.

Coincidentally, I am currently (and seriously) playing Tiny Tower. My tower is quite high, and today I just spend 200k worth of credits to build a new floor, and I’m around 50 tower bux short until I’m able to upgrade my tower’s elevator. AND YES, I NEED TO STAY IN THE COMPETITION. That is what Game Center is all about. Therefore… I replied the SMS and Mbak Nisa went on with the conversation…

Unfortunately, Mbak Nisa didn’t reply for quite some time. Feeling impatient, I went on to fire another text message on the other number she provided me with:

After a while, I think Mbak Nisa realized that I was making fun of her, so she stopped replying. No fun, Mbak Nisa, no fun at all. I was expecting that you’d be a joker with a higher degree of integrity. I mean, don’t you play Tiny Tower? Everyone does, Mbak Nisa! Do you realize the complexity of this matter and the implications to national security?!?!

So my reply has not been answered yet, and the question remains:

“APAKAH BAPAK GEORGE BAKER INI SEORANG PEMANGGANG ROTI?”

Free Pitches
First and foremost, I hate free pitches, and some Indonesian clients think that this is part of a good corporate governance (yeah, good corporate governance my ass). Here’s my explanation on why free pitches are a disgrace to humanity. In the creative industry, our resources are our key assets to make our business work, and that includes time, money, manpower, and above all else, creativity itself. So if we waste these for something that we probably won’t get, I would prefer that we work on something else, and use our precious creativity there. And yes, stealing designs to be given to cheaper designers is a definite sign that you’re a colossal douche, and I’m pretty sure that they reserved a spot for you to rot in hell.

Window Shopping
This is also a bad habit. Not that this only happen with Indonesian clients, but to overseas clients as well, except that it is on a lower frequency. So when we already contributed a few hours of our time to research and make a comprehensive quote for a project but got ditched with no reason, I hate that too. The least you can do is to say that you’re not comfortable with the price we asked, and then fine, maybe you’re not a suitable client for us. Fair enough, not everybody is everyone’s client.

The Inability to Know What One Wants
This is a killer move. Most of Indonesian clients seem to revolve around the idea of a trend (or perhaps ego and pride as some people like to call it). One has a blog, everyone wants a blog. One has a social media manager, everyone wants it, too. One has an E-commerce website, everyone wants to make one without realizing that they don’t even have a freaking store to begin with. But almost none seem to understand if they need one in the first place, or if that is just the result of being a follower. And the second they see these array of zeroes in the quote, they bail out and said “I didn’t realize that building an online shopping website is such a huge investment.” Well, if you’re looking for a proper one, yes it is. Sorry, but that is a fact.

The Inability of Appreciating Creative Work
This is the ultimate thing of all the things that we hate in this nation’s creative industry, people who cannot justify that building a website, for example, is worth more than 500,000 rupiahs. I can’t say many things about these people except that if they value design and creative work like shit, then that is exactly the same value I’d give to their business.

In the end, I don’t mean that all Indonesian clients are bad. As I stated before, we do have local clients as well, and those we’ve worked with are not bad clients. They appreciate our work, they value the need of design in general, and most of all, they listen. They listen and they are willing to take our advice as design professionals instead of telling us that they-paid-so-they-get-to-order-us-things.

But there’s the other side of the coin as well. Some designers are also to blame because they value themselves so low, that inconsiderate clients think they own these people’s lives. So why don’t these designers value themselves higher? Why don’t they value their industry better to begin with? To this date, I simply don’t know how to answer this properly, or how to figure out how their minds work. I hope someone would really enlighten me on this one.

Again, those are my observations based on my experience. So depending on different circumstances, my writings here cannot be accounted for a factual reference to your particular cases. They are just my two cents.

So here’s the deal, oh dear thief. I can already accept that this country is a shit hole with a shitty government and mostly shitty people, and the airport you worked in is also an even more fucked-up shit hole with the fact that it is probably worst than the worst shit hole in this country. And while I cannot accept that a fucked-up dickhead like you ever existed in any community, it would probably better if you take the entire box along with you, instead of leaving us with a useless telephone set.

But in any case, since you chose to moonlight as a thief, I hope the karma lands upon you. I hope you die and your soul rot in deepest hell hole.

Saya menunggu paket penting yang dikirim kilat kemarin dari Bandung (resi 1445663550001), tapi sampai detik ini belum sampai, dan ini sudah hampir habis jam kantor. Ini apanya yang kilat? Servisnya sangat mengecewakan dan merugikan. Telepon JNE pusat juga semuanya sibuk DARI PAGI. Sebenarnya ada ngga sih yang kerja di sana? Masa hotline sibuk dari pagi?

Best regards,

Bellamy B. Budiman

Today, they replied me with this (sent from their email adm.cssuport3@jne.co.id):

Dear Ibu Bellamy,

Sebelumnya mohon maaf email Ibu baru kami respon dan terimakasih atas email serta kepercayaan Ibu terhadap perusahaan kami JNE. Kami informasikan bahwa kiriman Ibu telah diterima pada tanggal 27-08-2010 jam. 18:59 penerima: SUTIKNO.

Best Regards,
Dina Parlina
CS Officer
Customer Service Department

For being a numbskull and assuming that I am female, I replied them with this:

FYI, ini dengan BAPAK Bellamy, bukan ibu. Tentunya Ibu Dina tidak mau kalau saya panggil Bapak Dina?

Best regards,

Bellamy B. Budiman

So, Dina Parlina from JNE, if you can’t decide one’s gender, it is best that you use “Bapak/Ibu” or simply just the name instead. But, of course, that would be too much for you to understand, wouldn’t it?

I’ve done a bit of research, too. I found two credible hits for “Dina Parlina”. Apparently, those results are always related to customer complaints, as described here and here. So, it’s either Dina Parlina is a real person and presumably a man, or it’s just a cover name for their Customer Support.

Okays, Qory, ours Miss Indonesia, we understands whats you are talkings. When we downs you can makes we ups. Okay, thanks you.

(Oh my God, I feel like I lost a bunch of my IQs just to write things in Qorylish)

Telemarketer: Sore, ini dari Telkom Speedy.
Me: Mau nawarin internet ya?
Telemarketer (excited, for some reason): Betul, Bapak! Kami mau menawa…
Me: (hangs up)

And the conversation is done.

For the record, this is probably the hundredth time they offered Speedy to us. The least they can do is to keep a database of those who want and those who doesn’t want their stupid service. But they wouldn’t be called Telkom if they did, would they?