BELLAMYBUDIMAN

Due to their extensively SLOW One Night Service package delivery, and their impossible-to-be-contacted Customer Support, yesterday I decided to send an email to JNE with my complaint. Here’s my email:

Saya menunggu paket penting yang dikirim kilat kemarin dari Bandung (resi 1445663550001), tapi sampai detik ini belum sampai, dan ini sudah hampir habis jam kantor. Ini apanya yang kilat? Servisnya sangat mengecewakan dan merugikan. Telepon JNE pusat juga semuanya sibuk DARI PAGI. Sebenarnya ada ngga sih yang kerja di sana? Masa hotline sibuk dari pagi?

Best regards,

Bellamy B. Budiman

Today, they replied me with this (sent from their email adm.cssuport3@jne.co.id):

Dear Ibu Bellamy,

Sebelumnya mohon maaf email Ibu baru kami respon dan terimakasih atas email serta kepercayaan Ibu terhadap perusahaan kami JNE. Kami informasikan bahwa kiriman Ibu telah diterima pada tanggal 27-08-2010 jam. 18:59 penerima: SUTIKNO.

Best Regards,
Dina Parlina
CS Officer
Customer Service Department

For being a numbskull and assuming that I am female, I replied them with this:

FYI, ini dengan BAPAK Bellamy, bukan ibu. Tentunya Ibu Dina tidak mau kalau saya panggil Bapak Dina?

Best regards,

Bellamy B. Budiman

So, Dina Parlina from JNE, if you can’t decide one’s gender, it is best that you use “Bapak/Ibu” or simply just the name instead. But, of course, that would be too much for you to understand, wouldn’t it? Moron. And no, I don’t give a shit with your apology.

I’ve done a bit of research, too. I found two credible hits for “Dina Parlina”. Apparently, those results are always related to customer complaints, as described here and here. So, it’s either Dina Parlina is a real person and presumably a man, or it’s just a cover name for their chicken shit Customer Support. Either way, real or not, a moron is a moron.

Okays, Qory, ours Miss Indonesia, we understands whats you are talkings. When we downs you can makes we ups. Okay, thanks you.

(Oh my God, I feel like I lost a bunch of my IQs just to write things in Qorylish)

Today, Telkom Speedy called to the office and said:

Telemarketer: Sore, ini dari Telkom Speedy.
Me: Mau nawarin internet ya?
Telemarketer (excited, for some reason): Betul, Bapak! Kami mau menawa…
Me: (hangs up)

And the conversation is done.

For the record, this is probably the hundredth time they offered Speedy to us. The least they can do is to keep a database of those who want and those who doesn’t want their stupid service. But they wouldn’t be called Telkom if they did, would they?

We all agree that the new external antenna design of the iPhone 4 is groundbreaking, but at the same time it became a bag of worms to Apple because of that antenna “bridging” problem for left-handed users. It is also surprising why this issue escaped Apple’s product testing prior to the launch, and why they did not coat the antennas with non-conductive materials (as stated by AnandTech). Personally, this has not been a much issue for me, as I always put my iPhones in a case. But this is not what I’m going to talk about here. What I’m going to talk about is how people cannot make coherent comments about this matter, especially when they are relating the issue with how cheap Apple are paying to make these phones.

Some people commented that Apple made a lot of profit by manufacturing the iPhone for $188 a pop, and then selling it for several hundred bucks. These people probably never had the terms “R&D”, “marketing” or “manufacturing cost” crossing in their minds. If you idiots want Apple to sell these for $180 each then how are they (as well as other normal businesses) supposed to run their business?

Take Microsoft, for instance. How did you think they do their business so that they raked up humongous amount of money? Do you think they sell Windows for 10 cents each? Maybe you thought so because you live in Indonesia where you can buy a pirated copy for 25,000 rupiahs. They are selling Windows for at least $100 each. Now why don’t you go to them and complain that they should just charge people as much as they were copying the DVDs? I don’t know, like a buck each?

Let me put it this way. You people buy cars, right? In fact, some of you are probably lucky enough to be able to purchase European cars. Do you have the slightest idea how much they spend on manufacturing those cars? It’s probably half of what you paid for, if not less. Do you complain? No. You freaking know that Audis here cost more than they do in Europe, but you keep buying them. Do you know how much restaurants spend to make a soup that they sold for a severa thousand rupiahs? It’s probably just mere cents. Do you complain? No. Do you go barging into the kitchen demanding that they should’ve sold it as much as the production cost? No.

Apple is a premium product, and by being a premium product—despite of all its weaknesses (you dumbasses should also start to realize that nothing is perfect and even Ferraris have flaws)—They will not give a damn to those who doesn’t want to buy their products. As simple as that. It’s not fanboyism, but it is a simple fact. That is their product positioning, and it will be like that whether you like it or not.

So if you constantly whine on how Apple should do their business and that they need to lower their prices, then you can simply just ignore their products. Big deal, maybe their products were not meant for you. Now go buy an Acer or something and stop acting like a 10-year old, or you can probably try whining to Lexus that they should sell their cars as cheap as a Chery QQ. Hey, who knows? Maybe you can convince them.

Signing up to the UPH Alumni mailing list has been a hilariously comedic experience for me. It’s almost every day that we get idiots posting idiotic threads or other useless things. Today, I stumbled upon a story that is supposed to be an alert from NASA because several planets in our solar system is lining up, and it will cost gravitational alterations that would cost humans many lives (I’m serious, the post stated that and I’m not making shit up).

Up until now, there has been at least 84 replies to this thread, ranging from people who blatantly stated that the thread starter is dumb, people who supported the thread starter, people who make bets on those two opposing sides, people who are calling the “Oom Momod” to cut the fight short, and people who keep telling them to move the fight somewhere else.

This mailing list is soooo hilarious, that I’m beginning to worry if valid graduates from UPH are only a tiny fraction of its thousands of students.

Ready for the NASA alert that started it all? Here it is:

Menurut NASA tepat pukul 5:00 pm waktu Greenwich atau pukul 12:00 tengah malam ini (tgl. 6 Jul 2010) planet Merkurius, Bumi, Venus, Uranus dan Neptunus berada tepat satu garis dgn Matahari. Hal ini terjadi 20.000 ribu tahun sekali. Akibatnya gaya gravitasi menjadi bertambah 6 kali lipat, pd saat itu akan terjadi fenomena luar biasa : 1. Laut akan mengalami pasang naik, kemungkinan laut akan meluap, 2. Berat benda akan meningkat 6 kali lipat (jika kita menimbang benda 1 kg akan jd 6 kg, jika berat badan 50 kg akan jadi 300 kg), 3. Semua benda akan tertarik ke permukaan bumi. Jika kita melempar sesuatu, maka benda tdk akan bergerak ke atas namun kebawah. Burung, kelelawar, dll yg terbang dlm jarak 1 km dr permukaan bumi akan lsg tertarik dan jatuh. NASA sdh memperingatkan semua persh penerbangan agar tdk take off pd jam tsb diatas. Fenomena ini akan berlangsung sekitar 10 menit. Silahkan broadcast berita rahasia ini, alami fenomena 20.000 thn sekali dan cegah musibah jgn sampai terjadi.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!